I wake up after midnight every night to nurse my daughter, check
that my son’s pull-up is still dry, and scroll through my Facebook news feed
before going back to sleep. However, after reading about the Grand Jury decision
and the events in Ferguson – last night was different. As a country we were
confronted with the big ole’ Elephant of racial-tension in America again. Therefore,
like many parents on my news feed, I kneeled next to my little brown children
and prayed for their protection and covering as they inherit this country. I
also asked in that moment for wisdom to guide my words and actions as I
approach conversations with them about their blackness and racism.
Because we must be thoughtful and sincere when it comes to talking
about race and racism with our children, I am sharing an excerpt from Parenting.com
where Dr. Beverly Tatum, author of Why
Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? And Other Conversations
About Race, offers five tips for talking about racism:
Don't be
afraid to bring it up: For many parents, the race talk is as difficult as
the birds and the bees talk. Dr. Tatum attributes this awkwardness to a lack of
communication about race in many of our own childhoods. "There are
concerns about saying the wrong thing and sounding racist, even if that is not
the intent." says Dr. Tatum. "Sometimes parents naively believe that
if they talk about issues of race with their children, they will cause them to
notice race in a way that they did not before."
Look for
teaching moments: Not sure how to get the conversation started? If your
child comments on different skin colors, that's an easy in. Children's books
that discuss race are also a gentle introduction. Or, you can look for subtle
openings in everyday life. "I was cooking with my 3-year-old," says
Dr. Tatum. "We used the last white egg in the carton, and then took out
another carton of eggs, this time brown eggs.
My son noted that the eggs were different in color. 'Yes,' I said, as we
cracked both eggs open, 'But look—they are the same inside. Just like people, they come in different
shades, but they are the same on the inside.'"
Make the
message age-appropriate: For preschoolers, use concrete examples, like the
egg example above. Since even young children can understand when something is
unfair (how many times have they lobbed the "not fair!" charge at
you?), you can break down slavery (or segregation) for them: Slavery happened a
long time ago, but holding people captive and making them work without paying
them is unfair. So slavery ended, because many people thought it was unfair and
worked to change it. "I think it is important to emphasize that no racial
group is all bad or all victims," says Dr. Tatum. "For example, in
the US, white people were slaveowners, but white people also worked against
slavery. Black people were enslaved, but many resisted their mistreatment by
running away and helping others escape. Offering examples of people working
together is also important."
Accept
that prejudiced comments may happen and that doesn't mean your child is racist:
If your kid makes a questionable remark, don't freak. "Children often
repeat what they hear others say, and it doesn't necessarily mean that the
child believes it," says Dr. Tatum. "Ask questions. 'What made you
say....?' Gently dispute the stereotype or prejudiced attitudes. 'I've heard
people say X about Y, but my experience with Y people is...' and give an
example to dispute the stereotype."
Most
importantly, be a role model: "The best way to reduce children's
prejudices is to model an inclusive home, demonstrating that you have friends
of all backgrounds," says Dr. Tatum. "Parents who have learned to
lead multicultural lives, connecting with people different from themselves, are
more likely to have children who develop those important life skills at an
early age."
No comments:
Post a Comment